I have been back in NC for about a year and a half. In that time, I have had a high school friend, a church acquaintance, and one of my oldest friend’s husband have a cancer diagnosis. Two are already dead. I am not that old, middle-aged really. I don’t think about dying now – except when I bought life insurance and when my crazy husband started calling. Cancer is so scary to me. It doesn’t seem to discriminate and I don’t know how (besides not smoking) to cut the risks.
Tammy Dockery was a sweet lady and I still remember her sweet smile from high school. She seemed to go downhill so fast, I felt bad I didn’t go to the hospital when she went the first time to reconnect. The other cancer victim, Sherri Alvarado, attended the same church. She was upbeat and involved even after she had lost her hair and then, her hope. Both of these women left behind children. The third person I know with cancer has the supposed best kind to get, prostate. He lives on and stills drinks and eats like he is going to live forever.
I wish I could say that I live each day more meaningfully because of these people, but I would be lying. I am like most folks I know, wasting hours of my life on driving, sleeping, watching dumb tv and basically not being (as Oprah says) my best self. I recently took a personality test in the Oprah magazine. Apparently I am not very driven. It is true. For the most part I am content with my little pie, as humble as it is. I don’t know if that makes me wiser or dumber than most people on this merry-go-round, but that is who I am. And hopefully, I can live with that.